drunk....

[zapty]

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.

"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" 

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

----------------------------------------------------------

At about 3AM, I was drunk as a skunk. I came home just in time to hear the cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. Quickly coming up with a plan, I cuckooed nine more times, hoping my wife would think it was midnight. I was very proud of myself.

The next day, my wife asked what time I got home, and I replied, "Midnight, just like I said." 

She said that was good, and for some reason she said we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked why, she answered, "Last night when it cuckooed midnight, it cuckooed three times, said 'Shit!,' cuckooed four more times, farted, cuckooed three times, cleared its throat, cuckooed two more times and then started giggling."