Mental hospital telephone menu....

[zapty]

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU:

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options :

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on
the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
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If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
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If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep.
Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
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If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
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If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.
You won't be crazy forever.
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If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.