Embarassing moments.................

[motoman]

We have all had them, my latest went as follows;

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So I had these pains in my lower gut that became more frequent as time passed, saw the doc and after he had examined the one eyed cat he confirmed my suspicions that I have Diverticulitis and sent me for a Barium Enema at Wolverhampton's New Cross Hospital. First, before the visit I had to spend a couple of days on a very bland diet then the day before the visit I had to take a couple of doses of an evil laxative. Eye of needle was an easy target. Then no food for 24 hours.

At the hospital I was asked to undress and climb into one of those backless gowns and lie on a table under a huge 'C' shaped machine. The rubber tube was a lot easier to take than the doctors digit and the Barium went in without any trouble. Then my by now sorely abused bladder was inflated with air so that the X-ray machine could get a good picture. The table was rotated and tilted until the air inside rose to the top of my gut and started to hurt.

Finally after almost 45 minutes it was all over and I was set free, ignoring the nice nurses advice to sit and have a cup of coffee in the rest room next to the toilet I had seen someone else with a cup of brown stuff) and feeling starved I decided to walk into Wolverhampton town centre to get something to eat. Almost exactly halfway between town and hospital the pain in my gut got worse (did I forget to mention that I had an injection to relax the bowel) The air in my stomach had nowhere to go but down and my bladder still had the barium residue inside. Suddenly I was leaking and was unable to contract a muscle to stop it happening. Walking crab like to keep my back to the wall I headed for the bus station and a public toilet, after a few yards it was 'sod the crab motion' and get there fast.

The fun started in the toilet cubicle; As I dropped the kecks and sat down the huge bubble of air was released. Now I am old but too young to remember, but you will recall the huge explosion that destroyed Krakatoa.The noise was heard halfway around the World and the shock wave killed thousands. In the confines of the porcelain palace the sound was not quite so loud it reverberated around the room and frightened away any other visitors, It recalled the engine noise of the German V1 Flying Bomb that blew up my house in London. At the same time I must have attained an air pressure discharge of above 180lbs per sq ft and I was raised almost two inches off the seat. My grey Calvin Kleins were pure white from the barium and so was the crotch of my shorts. Luckily I had a spare set of underwear but the shorts had to go back on.

I WENT HOME

[bruceb]

WOW! Yes, we all have them, but that was a horror trip. Any word on a diagnosis or did they just do this to you as a reminder of what life can be like on the planet?
Hope you're feeling better!

[Paul L]

Bad luck Pete., I hope you're okay.

Years ago when I was in my prime as a black belt I ran one of the ladies self-defence courses that our master ran alongside our school. Usual form was 6 or 8 weeks. Start with warm-ups, introduce a new topic, repeat and reinforce each previous week so the course would build. You always needed a 'gorilla' and a mate of mine called Pete did the honours, every week without fail.

Each week when the ladies came in we were probably sparring and also did a bit afterwards. So, they could see glimpses of other things going on. Obviously fit, supple, technically skilled etc. everything looking effortless, at the end of the last week I asked the ladies if they had further questions etc. that had not been answered along the way. They were keen to see some kung-fu and sparring, I explained that in a class situation we must have a referee so I would need another person here but Pete would be delighted to show them a form (kata in Japanese schools). Pete had been like a faithful Garfield and the ladies had taken to poor him week in, week out getting hit, kicked, stunned, shocked, thrown etc. Pete mumbled no, I ribbed him mercilessly and made him at least tell the Ladies why, he didn't know them well enough. I'd cruelly got him.

So, I proceeded to show them one of our black belt forms which encompasses some complex rows and the ladies were in two lines either side. At the end of a row as I placed a high kick at head height and held it, my backside let out the biggest ripper I had probably ever done. Oh my God. For a split-second I just had to stop, bow my head in shame and walk out never to look them in the eye again. Except, there was no way I could do this of course.

Too young, too proud and too embarrassed, I carried on with perfect concentration, thanked them all and when they left the hall I collapsed. My mate struggled not to wet himself, I had not dared to look at him, he told me he was virtually grinding his teeth, eyes closed, tears streaming from the moment it had happened and telling me that they were all looking at each other in mixed expressions of laughing, puzzlement and questioning.

When Pete finally composed himself he said I had owed you one but that was spectacular justice. Twenty years on I still laugh and cringe in recollection.

[CakeBoy]

Wow Pete, I truely feel for you after that horrific situation ........ why I am nevertheless LMAO is beyond me. You are a superstar

[Bertie_Doe]

Ok guys, under no circumstances, must we ask Steem21, what his most embarassing moment was. Remember, we no longer have Dom to protect us.
QC

[CakeBoy]

You are right QC, that would be foolish ......... Steem, Steem, where are you? What is your ..........

[PD]

Well Motoman. I have to say that your story brought me great joy. I laughed hard. Thank you for sharing.

[MKSwing]

Hello Motoman,
I hope you're ok but I can't lie, your story made me laugh a lot. And I learned a big lesson, if I ever have to run that kind of test, I'll bring changes

[bogner]

hope you're feeling better Motoman - but I can only say what others have said before me - you made me laugh so hard! good writing - very lively

- and why is it that farting is ALWAYS funny?? well, embarrasing at times, but always end up funny .. maybe it's a guy thing I don't know ..

a buddy of mine once told me a story from one of his colleagues - he was trying to fart in his girlfriends face while she was sleeping - but he had a little mishap in the making - need I say more? the same guy later burned his butt off on a stove as he was trying to warm his naked cheeks (it was winter I guess) and couldn't keep his balance .. he ended ud sitting on one of those balloon things for a month because of the burns .. but he probably had it coming for pulling a stunt like that on his girlfriend .. oh well, got a little sidetracked there - wasn't a funny fart really

[Steem21]

HA HA! What a good thread for a medic......now what stories do I have in my medicine bag guys? Choose a category - any category! Or shall I pull out a good poo story? Decisions, decisions.....

[Steem21]

Ok guys, under no circumstances, must we ask Steem21, what his most embarassing moment was. Remember, we no longer have Dom to protect us.
QC

Hmmm....might not risk it...just in case the invisible man is still lurking about.

[CakeBoy]

He is on his hols sans internet connection ...... go for it

[RobC]

And I thought having my legs shaved was painful (Permanently hairy again)...

On that note I did have someone work on a TMUP search engine optimization who though Coffee Enema would be a good keyword as it came up in search engine listings - I had to tell him he was taking the "poo" - seems he genuinely thought it was a Brand of coffee (now appearing at a *$ near you!)

[CakeBoy]

And I thought having my legs shaved was painful (Permanently hairy again)...

I hate to ask, but just have to ........ did you play a panto dame at Christmas or something? Maybe that's where Dom went last Christmas, to play the other ugly sister?!

[Steem21]

did you play a panto dame at Christmas or something?

I played a panto dame once and no way did I think of shaving my legs! Just trying to think why Rob will have a reason for shaving his legs???